GET /freshly-pressed/

List Freshly Pressed Posts

Resource URL

Type URL and Format
GET https://public-api.wordpress.com/rest/v1/freshly-pressed/

Query Parameters

Parameter Type Description
http_envelope (bool)
false:
(default)
true:
Some environments (like in-browser Javascript or Flash) block or divert responses with a non-200 HTTP status code. Setting this parameter will force the HTTP status code to always be 200. The JSON response is wrapped in an "envelope" containing the "real" HTTP status code and headers.
pretty (bool)
false:
(default)
true:
Output pretty JSON
meta (string) Optional. Loads data from the endpoints found in the 'meta' part of the response. Comma separated list. Example: meta=site,likes
fields (string) Optional. Returns specified fields only. Comma separated list. Example: fields=ID,title
callback (string) An optional JSONP callback function.
number (int) The number of posts to return. Default: 10. Limit: 40. Default: 10.
after (iso 8601 datetime) Return posts picked on or after the specified datetime.
before (iso 8601 datetime) Return posts picked on or before the specified datetime.
content_width (int) When in context=display, images/embeds in post content will be set to the desired maximum width. Default: 480.
thumb_width (int) Desired width of thumbnail images, in pixels. Default: 252.
thumb_height (int) Desired height of thumbnail images, in pixels. Default: 160.

Response Parameters

Parameter Type Description
ID (int) The post ID.
site_ID (int) The site ID.
author (object) The author of the post.
date (iso 8601 datetime) The post's creation time.
modified (iso 8601 datetime) The post's most recent update time.
title (html) context dependent.
URL (url) The full permalink URL to the post.
short_URL (url) The wp.me short URL.
content (html) context dependent.
excerpt (html) context dependent.
slug (string) The name (slug) for the post, used in URLs.
guid (string) The GUID for the post.
status (string)
publish:
The post is published.
draft:
The post is saved as a draft.
pending:
The post is pending editorial approval.
future:
The post is scheduled for future publishing.
trash:
The post is in the trash.
sticky (bool) Is the post sticky?
password (string) The plaintext password protecting the post, or, more likely, the empty string if the post is not password protected.
parent (object|false) A reference to the post's parent, if it has one.
type (string) The post's post_type. Post types besides post, page and revision need to be whitelisted using the rest_api_allowed_post_types filter.
comments_open (bool) Is the post open for comments?
pings_open (bool) Is the post open for pingbacks, trackbacks?
likes_enabled (bool) Is the post open to likes?
sharing_enabled (bool) Should sharing buttons show on this post?
gplusauthorship_enabled (bool) Should a Google+ account be associated with this post?
comment_count (int) The number of comments for this post.
like_count (int) The number of likes for this post.
i_like (bool) Does the current user like this post?
is_reblogged (bool) Did the current user reblog this post?
is_following (bool) Is the current user following this blog?
global_ID (string) A unique WordPress.com-wide representation of a post.
featured_image (url) The URL to the featured image for this post if it has one.
post_thumbnail (object) The attachment object for the featured image if it has one.
format (string)
standard:
Standard
aside:
Aside
chat:
Chat
gallery:
Gallery
link:
Link
image:
Image
quote:
Quote
status:
Status
video:
Video
audio:
Audio
geo (object|false)
publicize_URLs (array) Array of Twitter and Facebook URLs published by this post.
tags (object) Hash of tags (keyed by tag name) applied to the post.
categories (object) Hash of categories (keyed by category name) applied to the post.
attachments (object) Hash of post attachments (keyed by attachment ID).
metadata (array) Array of post metadata keys and values. All unprotected meta keys are available by default for read requests. Both unprotected and protected meta keys are available for authenticated requests with access. Protected meta keys can be made available with the rest_api_allowed_public_metadata filter.
meta (object) API result meta data
date_range (object) date range covered by current results.
number (int) The number of posts brought back by current query.
posts (array) An array of post objects, with added Freshly Pressed info, in the editorial property for each post.

Example

cURL

curl 'https://public-api.wordpress.com/rest/v1/freshly-pressed/?pretty=1'

PHP

<?php

$options  = array (
  'http' => 
  array (
    'ignore_errors' => true,
  ),
);

$context  = stream_context_create( $options );
$response = file_get_contents(
  'https://public-api.wordpress.com/rest/v1/freshly-pressed/?pretty=1',
  false,
  $context
);
$response = json_decode( $response );

?>

Response Body

{
    "date_range": {
        "newest": "2014-07-24T21:00:31+00:00",
        "oldest": "2014-07-23T20:02:01+00:00"
    },
    "number": 10,
    "posts": [
        {
            "ID": 955,
            "site_ID": 45302921,
            "author": {
                "ID": 28414573,
                "login": "naomifrisby",
                "email": false,
                "name": "naomifrisby",
                "nice_name": "naomifrisby",
                "URL": "http:\/\/thewritesofwoman.wordpress.com",
                "avatar_URL": "https:\/\/0.gravatar.com\/avatar\/03eb59ec229b1c0f3cacfd2491e51bf8?s=96&d=identicon&r=G",
                "profile_URL": "http:\/\/en.gravatar.com\/naomifrisby",
                "site_ID": 45302921
            },
            "date": "2014-07-23T20:46:55+01:00",
            "modified": "2014-07-23T20:46:55+01:00",
            "title": "The Man Booker Prize Longlist 2014: Where Are the Women?",
            "URL": "http:\/\/thewritesofwoman.wordpress.com\/2014\/07\/23\/the-man-booker-prize-longlist-2014-where-are-the-women\/",
            "short_URL": "http:\/\/wp.me\/p345mh-fp",
            "content": "<p><img class=\"aligncenter\" src=\"https:\/\/flavorwire.files.wordpress.com\/2013\/09\/man_booker_prize_logo.png?w=267&#038;h=307\" alt=\"\" width=\"267\" height=\"307\" \/><\/p>\n<p>In 1996, Kate Mosse established what is now the Bailey\u2019s Women\u2019s Prize for Fiction in response to the 1991 Booker Prize all-male shortlist (this was prior to the release of longlisted titles) in a year when 60% of novels published were written by females. Since then, the prize has been subjected to criticism over the decision to make it a women only award, criticism that has only increased in recent years as Hilary Mantel and Eleanor Catton have gone on to win the Booker from shortlists which had gender parity. Unfortunately today\u2019s longlist has demonstrated exactly why the Women\u2019s Fiction Prize is so important.<\/p>\n<p>Let\u2019s start with a positive and offer huge congratulations to Karen Joy Fowler for the wonderful <a title=\"We Are All Completely Beside Ourselves \u2013 Karen Joy Fowler\" href=\"http:\/\/thewritesofwoman.wordpress.com\/2014\/03\/06\/we-are-all-completely-beside-ourselves-karen-joy-fowler\/\"><em>We Are All Completely Beside Ourselves <\/em><\/a>(a novel overlooked \u2013 in my opinion \u2013 by the Bailey\u2019s Prize earlier this year); Siri Hustvedt (one of the first Americans to be considered) for <em>The Blazing World,<\/em> which is high on my TBR, and to Ali Smith for her forthcoming <em>how to be both<\/em>. To make the Booker Prize longlist is a huge achievement, to do so in a year when you\u2019re one of three women (on a longlist of thirteen) is nothing short of incredible.<\/p>\n<p>The problem with drawing attention to the gender of the writers on any longlist is that it inevitably leads people to question whether you would prefer to have \u2018the best\u2019 books on the list, regardless of gender, or gender parity. There are two problems with this: firstly, as <a href=\"https:\/\/twitter.com\/lindasgrant\/status\/491927025293090816\">Linda Grant pointed out on Twitter earlier today<\/a>, is that it suggests that men are writing better novels than women, which simply isn\u2019t true and secondly, the underlying factor is that prizes, and indeed commentary on literature, have been skewed towards men for decades. Whether readers want to acknowledge this bias or not, it exists; writing created by women is still considered lesser to that of their male counterparts.<\/p>\n<p>Let\u2019s take one particular example on this year\u2019s list, \u2018Us\u2019 by David Nicholls. I haven\u2019t read the book as it\u2019s one of several on the list not yet published. However, I have read Nicholl\u2019s previous novels, \u2018Starter for Ten\u2019 and \u2018One Day\u2019. Perhaps Nicholls has changed style for his latest work (please comment and let me know if you\u2019ve read it) but if it is similar to his previous work then my question is this: Where is Jojo Moyes? Why isn\u2019t she included on the list? My guess would be that she wasn\u2019t submitted by her publishers. Why? Because looking at past longlists she wouldn\u2019t stand a chance of making the final thirteen as her work would be considered too commercial.<\/p>\n<p>And then there\u2019s the question of what is submitted. Imprints are allowed one submission unless they\u2019ve had a longlisted title within the last five years, in which case the rules are as follows:<\/p>\n<p>2 submissions &#8211; publishers with 1 or 2 longlisting(s)<br \/>\n3 submissions &#8211; publishers with 3 or 4 longlistings<br \/>\n4 submissions &#8211; publishers with 5 or more longlistings<\/p>\n<p>Any authors previously shortlisted are also eligible to submit their latest book in addition to those submitted by their publisher.<\/p>\n<p>Imagine you work for a publisher and are one of the people responsible for deciding what goes forward to represent the company you work for. You\u2019re making this decision knowing the prestige that this prize holds; knowing that a shortlisting at the least would allow you to publish the books of a number of lesser known writers who deserve a wider audience. You\u2019ve two books in your hand \u2013 one by a woman and one by a man \u2013 both of equal quality but well, one\u2019s already garnered more reviews in the broadsheets and you\u2019ve studied previous shortlists and the winner\u2019s table. Who do you choose?<\/p>\n<p>What are the solutions? No surprises here that I don\u2019t have any straight forward answers. In an ideal world all judging would be done anonymously. It\u2019s clear from those quizzes that do the rounds on social media every so often that people can\u2019t actually tell the difference between paragraphs written by men and those composed by women. For this to be possible though, the judging panel would have to exist in a cultural void for months and that\u2019s unrealistic. However, during a brief conversation with the publisher <a href=\"https:\/\/twitter.com\/meandmybigmouth\">Scott Pack<\/a> on Twitter this afternoon, he suggested two things that could be implemented, although both have their issues.<\/p>\n<p>The first was that the judging panel should have gender parity. Sounds easy but prize panels are often made up of an odd number of people so the chair can have the casting vote on split decisions. In the case of the Booker, there are five judges and a chair. This year the gender split is 4\/2 male\/female. Making this an even split on its own is not going to solve the underlying issue but it would be one step towards addressing it.<\/p>\n<p>The second was that submissions should also be equally divided between genders. Now, as you can see from the guidelines above, that isn\u2019t possible in the case of many imprints who are allowed an odd number of submissions and as the judges also have a huge amount of books to read in a relatively short time period (160 in six months this year) doubling the subscriptions from those imprints who haven\u2019t had a longlisted book in the past five years sounds like a ridiculous thing to do. However, as long as the genders are neither considered nor represented equally, perhaps allowing all imprints to submit two books as long as one is by a female writer and the other by a male is a way to try and address the imbalance. It would no doubt mean that imprints with a large number of previously longlisted titles would have to be restricted to submitting fewer titles but surely it\u2019s good for the industry to have greater breadth and for the small presses to compete on a slightly more balanced field? You only need to look at the recent success of Galley Beggars and Salt to see that small independent publishers are putting out interesting, high quality work.<\/p>\n<p>It\u2019s a shame that I\u2019ve felt compelled to write this post in 2014 in a year when #readwomen2014 has raised the profile of female writers; when book shops are working to ensure that there\u2019s gender parity on their display tables; when so many good books by female writers are being published, but it shows us that the fight is far from won.<\/p>\n",
            "excerpt": "<p>In 1996, Kate Mosse established what is now the Bailey\u2019s Women\u2019s Prize for Fiction in response to the 1991 Booker Prize all-male shortlist (this was prior to the release of longlisted titles) in a year when 60% of novels published &hellip; <a href=\"http:\/\/thewritesofwoman.wordpress.com\/2014\/07\/23\/the-man-booker-prize-longlist-2014-where-are-the-women\/\">Continue reading <span class=\"meta-nav\">&rarr;<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n",
            "slug": "the-man-booker-prize-longlist-2014-where-are-the-women",
            "guid": "http:\/\/thewritesofwoman.wordpress.com\/?p=955",
            "status": "publish",
            "sticky": false,
            "password": "",
            "parent": false,
            "type": "post",
            "comments_open": true,
            "pings_open": true,
            "likes_enabled": true,
            "sharing_enabled": true,
            "gplusauthorship_enabled": false,
            "comment_count": 40,
            "like_count": 49,
            "i_like": 0,
            "is_reblogged": 0,
            "is_following": 0,
            "global_ID": "4030b81b38278cddac205c4590ed6692",
            "featured_image": "",
            "post_thumbnail": "",
            "format": "standard",
            "geo": false,
            "publicize_URLs": [

            ],
            "tags": {
                "Ali Smith": {
                    "ID": 222927,
                    "name": "Ali Smith",
                    "slug": "ali-smith",
                    "description": "",
                    "post_count": 1,
                    "meta": {
                        "links": {
                            "self": "https:\/\/public-api.wordpress.com\/rest\/v1\/sites\/45302921\/tags\/slug:ali-smith",
                            "help": "https:\/\/public-api.wordpress.com\/rest\/v1\/sites\/45302921\/tags\/slug:ali-smith\/help",
                            "site": "https:\/\/public-api.wordpress.com\/rest\/v1\/sites\/45302921"
                        }
                    }
                },
                "how to be both": {
                    "ID": 253269462,
                    "name": "how to be both",
                    "slug": "how-to-be-both",
                    "description": "",
                    "post_count": 1,
                    "meta": {
                        "links": {
                            "self": "https:\/\/public-api.wordpress.com\/rest\/v1\/sites\/45302921\/tags\/slug:how-to-be-both",
                            "help": "https:\/\/public-api.wordpress.com\/rest\/v1\/sites\/45302921\/tags\/slug:how-to-be-both\/help",
                            "site": "https:\/\/public-api.wordpress.com\/rest\/v1\/sites\/45302921"
                        }
                    }
                },
                "Karen Joy Fowler": {
                    "ID": 1898288,
                    "name": "Karen Joy Fowler",
                    "slug": "karen-joy-fowler",
                    "description": "",
                    "post_count": 3,
                    "meta": {
                        "links": {
                            "self": "https:\/\/public-api.wordpress.com\/rest\/v1\/sites\/45302921\/tags\/slug:karen-joy-fowler",
                            "help": "https:\/\/public-api.wordpress.com\/rest\/v1\/sites\/45302921\/tags\/slug:karen-joy-fowler\/help",
                            "site": "https:\/\/public-api.wordpress.com\/rest\/v1\/sites\/45302921"
                        }
                    }
                },
                "Man Booker Prize Longlist 2014": {
                    "ID": 253369644,
                    "name": "Man Booker Prize Longlist 2014",
                    "slug": "man-booker-prize-longlist-2014",
                    "description": "",
                    "post_count": 1,
                    "meta": {
                        "links": {
                            "self": "https:\/\/public-api.wordpress.com\/rest\/v1\/sites\/45302921\/tags\/slug:man-booker-prize-longlist-2014",
                            "help": "https:\/\/public-api.wordpress.com\/rest\/v1\/sites\/45302921\/tags\/slug:man-booker-prize-longlist-2014\/help",
                            "site": "https:\/\/public-api.wordpress.com\/rest\/v1\/sites\/45302921"
                        }
                    }
                },
                "Siri Hustvedt": {
                    "ID": 1790280,
                    "name": "Siri Hustvedt",
                    "slug": "siri-hustvedt",
                    "description": "",
                    "post_count": 2,
                    "meta": {
                        "links": {
                            "self": "https:\/\/public-api.wordpress.com\/rest\/v1\/sites\/45302921\/tags\/slug:siri-hustvedt",
                            "help": "https:\/\/public-api.wordpress.com\/rest\/v1\/sites\/45302921\/tags\/slug:siri-hustvedt\/help",
                            "site": "https:\/\/public-api.wordpress.com\/rest\/v1\/sites\/45302921"
                        }
                    }
                },
                "The Blazing World": {
                    "ID": 101632611,
                    "name": "The Blazing World",
                    "slug": "the-blazing-world",
                    "description": "",
                    "post_count": 2,
                    "meta": {
                        "links": {
                            "self": "https:\/\/public-api.wordpress.com\/rest\/v1\/sites\/45302921\/tags\/slug:the-blazing-world",
                            "help": "https:\/\/public-api.wordpress.com\/rest\/v1\/sites\/45302921\/tags\/slug:the-blazing-world\/help",
                            "site": "https:\/\/public-api.wordpress.com\/rest\/v1\/sites\/45302921"
                        }
                    }
                },
                "We Are All Completely Beside Ourselves": {
                    "ID": 170018389,
                    "name": "We Are All Completely Beside Ourselves",
                    "slug": "we-are-all-completely-beside-ourselves",
                    "description": "",
                    "post_count": 3,
                    "meta": {
                        "links": {
                            "self": "https:\/\/public-api.wordpress.com\/rest\/v1\/sites\/45302921\/tags\/slug:we-are-all-completely-beside-ourselves",
                            "help": "https:\/\/public-api.wordpress.com\/rest\/v1\/sites\/45302921\/tags\/slug:we-are-all-completely-beside-ourselves\/help",
                            "site": "https:\/\/public-api.wordpress.com\/rest\/v1\/sites\/45302921"
                        }
                    }
                }
            },
            "categories": {
                "Ali Smith": {
                    "ID": 222927,
                    "name": "Ali Smith",
                    "slug": "ali-smith",
                    "description": "",
                    "post_count": 1,
                    "parent": 0,
                    "meta": {
                        "links": {
                            "self": "https:\/\/public-api.wordpress.com\/rest\/v1\/sites\/45302921\/categories\/slug:ali-smith",
                            "help": "https:\/\/public-api.wordpress.com\/rest\/v1\/sites\/45302921\/categories\/slug:ali-smith\/help",
                            "site": "https:\/\/public-api.wordpress.com\/rest\/v1\/sites\/45302921"
                        }
                    }
                },
                "Comment": {
                    "ID": 487,
                    "name": "Comment",
                    "slug": "comment",
                    "description": "",
                    "post_count": 14,
                    "parent": 0,
                    "meta": {
                        "links": {
                            "self": "https:\/\/public-api.wordpress.com\/rest\/v1\/sites\/45302921\/categories\/slug:comment",
                            "help": "https:\/\/public-api.wordpress.com\/rest\/v1\/sites\/45302921\/categories\/slug:comment\/help",
                            "site": "https:\/\/public-api.wordpress.com\/rest\/v1\/sites\/45302921"
                        }
                    }
                },
                "Karen Joy Fowler": {
                    "ID": 1898288,
                    "name": "Karen Joy Fowler",
                    "slug": "karen-joy-fowler",
                    "description": "",
                    "post_count": 3,
                    "parent": 0,
                    "meta": {
                        "links": {
                            "self": "https:\/\/public-api.wordpress.com\/rest\/v1\/sites\/45302921\/categories\/slug:karen-joy-fowler",
                            "help": "https:\/\/public-api.wordpress.com\/rest\/v1\/sites\/45302921\/categories\/slug:karen-joy-fowler\/help",
                            "site": "https:\/\/public-api.wordpress.com\/rest\/v1\/sites\/45302921"
                        }
                    }
                },
                "Man Booker Longlist 2014": {
                    "ID": 197434991,
                    "name": "Man Booker Longlist 2014",
                    "slug": "man-booker-longlist-2014",
                    "description": "",
                    "post_count": 1,
                    "parent": 0,
                    "meta": {
                        "links": {
                            "self": "https:\/\/public-api.wordpress.com\/rest\/v1\/sites\/45302921\/categories\/slug:man-booker-longlist-2014",
                            "help": "https:\/\/public-api.wordpress.com\/rest\/v1\/sites\/45302921\/categories\/slug:man-booker-longlist-2014\/help",
                            "site": "https:\/\/public-api.wordpress.com\/rest\/v1\/sites\/45302921"
                        }
                    }
                },
                "Siri Hustvedt": {
                    "ID": 1790280,
                    "name": "Siri Hustvedt",
                    "slug": "siri-hustvedt",
                    "description": "",
                    "post_count": 2,
                    "parent": 0,
                    "meta": {
                        "links": {
                            "self": "https:\/\/public-api.wordpress.com\/rest\/v1\/sites\/45302921\/categories\/slug:siri-hustvedt",
                            "help": "https:\/\/public-api.wordpress.com\/rest\/v1\/sites\/45302921\/categories\/slug:siri-hustvedt\/help",
                            "site": "https:\/\/public-api.wordpress.com\/rest\/v1\/sites\/45302921"
                        }
                    }
                }
            },
            "attachments": {

            },
            "metadata": [
                {
                    "id": "5995",
                    "key": "_wpas_done_1021755",
                    "value": "1"
                }
            ],
            "meta": {
                "links": {
                    "self": "https:\/\/public-api.wordpress.com\/rest\/v1\/sites\/45302921\/posts\/955",
                    "help": "https:\/\/public-api.wordpress.com\/rest\/v1\/sites\/45302921\/posts\/955\/help",
                    "site": "https:\/\/public-api.wordpress.com\/rest\/v1\/sites\/45302921",
                    "replies": "https:\/\/public-api.wordpress.com\/rest\/v1\/sites\/45302921\/posts\/955\/replies\/",
                    "likes": "https:\/\/public-api.wordpress.com\/rest\/v1\/sites\/45302921\/posts\/955\/likes\/"
                }
            },
            "featured_media": {

            },
            "pseudo_ID": "4030b81b38278cddac205c4590ed6692",
            "is_external": false,
            "site_name": "The Writes of Woman",
            "site_URL": "http:\/\/thewritesofwoman.wordpress.com",
            "site_is_private": false,
            "editorial": {
                "blog_id": "45302921",
                "post_id": "955",
                "image": "https:\/\/s0.wp.com\/imgpress?crop=0px%2C0px%2C252px%2C160px&url=https%3A%2F%2Fs0.wp.com%2Fimgpress%3Fw%3D252%26url%3Dhttp%253A%252F%252Fflavorwire.files.wordpress.com%252F2013%252F09%252Fman_booker_prize_logo.png&unsharpmask=80,0.5,3",
                "custom_headline": "",
                "custom_blog_title": "",
                "displayed_on": "2014-07-24T21:00:31+00:00",
                "picked_on": "1970-01-01T00:33:34+00:00",
                "highlight_topic": "books",
                "highlight_topic_title": "Books",
                "screen_offset": "-18",
                "blog_name": "The Writes of Woman",
                "site_id": "1"
            }
        },
        {
            "ID": 1591,
            "site_ID": 13662994,
            "author": {
                "ID": 14059081,
                "login": "jenniferkarmstrong",
                "email": false,
                "name": "Jennifer Keishin Armstrong",
                "nice_name": "jenniferkarmstrong",
                "URL": "http:\/\/jennifermarmstrong.com",
                "avatar_URL": "https:\/\/2.gravatar.com\/avatar\/2b425fb29f2c1757525f36a02512a93a?s=96&d=identicon&r=G",
                "profile_URL": "http:\/\/en.gravatar.com\/jenniferkarmstrong",
                "site_ID": 13662994
            },
            "date": "2014-07-15T15:59:49+00:00",
            "modified": "2014-07-15T15:59:49+00:00",
            "title": "The Real Joe Davola",
            "URL": "http:\/\/jenniferkarmstrong.com\/2014\/07\/15\/the-real-joe-davola\/",
            "short_URL": "http:\/\/wp.me\/pVkmS-pF",
            "content": "<div id=\"attachment_1592\" style=\"width: 267px\" class=\"wp-caption alignleft\"><a href=\"https:\/\/jenniferkarmstrong.files.wordpress.com\/2014\/07\/joedavolacwpresentseveningonetreehillv2esfydyhpsl.jpg\"><img class=\"size-medium wp-image-1592\" src=\"https:\/\/jenniferkarmstrong.files.wordpress.com\/2014\/07\/joedavolacwpresentseveningonetreehillv2esfydyhpsl.jpg?w=257&#038;h=300\" alt=\"The actual Joe Davola with Sophia Bush of 'One Tree Hill,' which he executive produced.\" width=\"257\" height=\"300\" \/><\/a><p class=\"wp-caption-text\">The actual Joe Davola with Sophia Bush of &#8216;One Tree Hill,&#8217; which he executive produced.<\/p><\/div>\n<p>Joe Davola ran into Larry David and his manager\/girlfriend, Laurie Lennard, at a Robin Hood Foundation fundraising party in Los Angeles, round about 1992. The TV executive, now at Fox, had known Lennard since his days at MTV in the \u201880s and had courted David\u2019s comedy writing talents at various times since then.<\/p>\n<p>David greeted him thusly: \u201cJoe Davola, Joe Davola, Joe Davola, Joe Davola.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Davola, just as true to his own personality replied in his deep Brooklyn accent: \u201cWhat the fuck are you doing, Larry?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>\u201cI like your name. Can I use it?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Davola shrugged. Sure, why the fuck not?<\/p>\n<p>Six months later, Davola got a visit at his office from Castle Rock executive Glenn Padnick. Padnick had two scripts in his hands, one with a blue cover, one with a yellow cover. Padnick seemed nervous, though he often did. \u201cJoe, you need to read these.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Davola took them home with him that night and tossed them to his wife. \u201cI\u2019m in these <em>Seinfeld<\/em> scripts,\u201d he said. \u201cCan you read these?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>She did, and reported back. The character&#8217;s\u00a0name was actually \u201cCrazy\u201d Joe Davola. In the scripts, he develops a pathological hatred for Jerry out of professional envy, as he, too, is trying to sell a script to NBC. After that, he continues to stalk Jerry and George. \u201cThe guy\u2019s a lunatic,&#8221; Davola&#8217;s wife told him. &#8220;He\u2019s nothing like you. But you should do it.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Later, people often asked Davola what he\u2019d done to David to deserve such a character named after him. They didn\u2019t realize that he\u2019d not only read the scripts beforehand, but also went through quite a process to sign off on them. Davola even had to go to his own boss, Fox chairman Peter Chernin, for his approval. Under his Fox contract, the network owned his name and likeness, so Chernin had a say. He gave it his okay.<br \/>\n<span class='embed-youtube' style='text-align:center; display: block;'><\/iframe><\/span><\/p>\n<p>Then, strange things started to happen to Davola early that fall, even before the episodes aired. When he went to the set of <em>The Edge<\/em>, a sketch comedy show Fox was producing, he ran into Wayne Knight, who\u2019d guest-starred in several recent episodes of <em>Seinfeld<\/em> as Jerry\u2019s nemesis, Newman. When Knight heard Davola\u2019s name, he looked terrified and tried to avoid Davola in meetings.<\/p>\n<p>Finally, Davola pulled him aside. \u201cWayne,\u201d he said, \u201cI know about it. It\u2019s not a bad thing.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>When Davola ran into David at the Emmys at the end of August, David told him, \u201cYou\u2019re not in two episodes. You\u2019re in five.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>The episodes started to run in September, and Davola figured the weirdness was behind him. Granted, the character had only gotten worse as the fourth season of <em>Seinfeld<\/em> progressed: Davola dates Elaine and becomes obsessed with her, cornering her in his lair until she escapes by spraying him in the face with Binaca. But the real Davola figured he and <em>Seinfeld<\/em> would now go their separate ways.<\/p>\n<p>Then he suggested to his wife that they go to Hollywood hot spot The Ivy for dinner one night. \u201cYou can\u2019t just call The Ivy an hour before and get in,\u201d she insisted.<\/p>\n<p>But Joe Davola did that night.<\/p>\n<p>From then on, he noticed everyone treating him differently anyplace he dropped his own name. Better restaurant tables, better Clippers tickets, upgrades wherever upgrades were possible. He\u2019d been a well-regarded producer and executive before. Now people thought he was famous. And they were, just possibly, a little terrified of him.<\/p>\n<p>Once in a while, someone would have the guts to ask, \u201cAre you that guy?\u201d The really bold ones would whisper, \u201cWhat did you do to him?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Davola was now constantly explaining: \u201cI didn\u2019t do anything! I did him a favor.\u201d (This was a <em>favah<\/em> in Davola\u2019s accent.) \u201cHe liked me. It\u2019s fine.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Every meeting he had, there it was again: \u201cCan I ask you a question?\u201d<\/p>\n",
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            "title": "Something Simple, Courgette + Feta Salad",
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            "content": "<p><a href=\"http:\/\/thymenhoney.files.wordpress.com\/2014\/07\/20140718-223501.jpg\"><img class=\"aligncenter wp-image-3434 size-full\" src=\"https:\/\/thymenhoney.files.wordpress.com\/2014\/07\/20140718-223501.jpg?w=1000\" alt=\"Courgette + Feta Salad | Thyme &amp; Honey\"   \/><\/a><\/p>\n<p><a href=\"https:\/\/thymenhoney.files.wordpress.com\/2014\/07\/courgette-set.jpg\"><img class=\"aligncenter wp-image-3443 size-large\" src=\"https:\/\/thymenhoney.files.wordpress.com\/2014\/07\/courgette-set.jpg?w=1000&#038;h=705\" alt=\"Courgette + Feta Salad | Thyme &amp; Honey\" width=\"1000\" height=\"705\" \/><\/a><\/p>\n<p>The other day I was asked what set my blog apart from the rest. In short, what was my USP?<\/p>\n<p>In a world where even the most obscure ingredient is relatively accessible, complex recipes, fancy techniques and even fancier equipment saturate our daily lives. Don&#8217;t get me wrong, I would jump at the chance to dine at <span style=\"text-decoration:underline;color:#33cccc;\"><a href=\"http:\/\/noma.dk\/\" target=\"_blank\"><span style=\"color:#33cccc;text-decoration:underline;\">Noma<\/span><\/a><\/span>, but ask me where I&#8217;d be happiest and I&#8217;d say sitting by the sea with grilled octopus dressed in lemon and olive oil and a village salad. Rustic food, food meant for the table, for the act of sharing and breaking bread, that&#8217;s the food that I love and the food that I cook.<\/p>\n<p>I&#8217;m not sure that counts as a USP, but I&#8217;m not one for fads and gimmicks. So simple cooking, rustic fare and an approachable way of eating is what it&#8217;s got to be for me, and what you&#8217;ll continue to find here&#8230; with the odd <span style=\"text-decoration:underline;\"><span style=\"color:#33cccc;\"><a title=\"Vanilla Macarons with Coffee Chocolate Buttercream\" href=\"http:\/\/thymeandhoney.co.uk\/2013\/04\/04\/vanilla-macarons-with-coffee-chocolate-buttercream\/\" target=\"_blank\"><span style=\"color:#33cccc;text-decoration:underline;\">complex experiment<\/span><\/a><\/span><\/span> thrown in for amusements&#8217; sake.<\/p>\n<p>This courgette and feta salad is a year-round staple in my kitchen, but it tastes best towards the end of a scorching summer&#8217;s day. Raw ribbons of courgette spiked with salty crumbs of feta marry so well with a lazy oil\/lemon dressing. Fresh herbs pack a slight punch and bring everything to life. I eat this on its own, with BBQ&#8217;d meat, tossed with pasta or with brown rice and a dollop of <span style=\"text-decoration:underline;\"><span style=\"color:#33cccc;\"><a title=\"Hummus\" href=\"http:\/\/thymeandhoney.co.uk\/2014\/06\/24\/hummus\/\" target=\"_blank\"><span style=\"color:#33cccc;text-decoration:underline;\">hummus<\/span><\/a><\/span><\/span>.<\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align:center;\"><strong>Courgette + Feta Salad<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>Serves 2<\/p>\n<p>2 large courgettes, peeled into ribbons<br \/>\n60g feta cheese<br \/>\nJuice of half a lemon<br \/>\n2 tablespoons olive oil<br \/>\nA tablespoon each of fresh mint and dill, chopped<\/p>\n<hr \/>\n<p>Peel the courgettes and place the ribbons in a large bowl. Add the fresh herbs, crumble in the feta, squeeze over the lemon juice and drizzle with olive oil.<\/p>\n<p>Season to taste and toss well before serving.<\/p>\n<p><a href=\"http:\/\/www.wordpress.com\/fresh\/\" target=\"_blank\"><img class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-2093\" src=\"https:\/\/thymenhoney.files.wordpress.com\/2014\/01\/freshly-pressed-rectangle.png?w=1000\" alt=\"freshly-pressed-rectangle\"   \/><\/a><\/p>\n",
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            "title": "Storytelling",
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            "content": "<p>Found: Beginnings, endings, and the moments in between<\/p>\n<p>It is easy, I think, to travel somewhere and feel that you have ventured outside of reality. Maybe it was different when more people reached vacation destinations by car, children&#8217;s sweaty elbows pressed together in the back of the Cadillac, the whole vehicle smelling like potato chips, road signs out the window the objects of games of iSpy. Cities becoming countryside, countryside becoming cities, at so many miles per hour. <\/p>\n<p>Or maybe we still felt it then, that displacement from actual life into imagined territory. Maybe it was only back when we travelled by horseback, stopping overnight at beer-filled inns, the bouncing of the saddle indicating the texture of the ground, that the journey was salient enough to bound us to our place of origin. <\/p>\n<p>Airplanes provide transportation relatively lacking in sensory experience. If you&#8217;re cramped into the middle, you only see the gray of the seat in front of you and the white of the ceiling above. Even beside the window, the indiscriminate view of sky could show clouds hovering over New York or Paris or anywhere in between. There does not seem to be a smell at all; or rather, it is a smell without a scent. You land and lack a sense of time; the vast maze of baggage check-ins provides few clues to your destination, though it waits just outside.<\/p>\n<p>And once abroad, you are surrounded by voices speaking a language you can&#8217;t understand. The signs may as well be written in hieroglyphics. You must then, infer everything. You must guess. You must imagine. You are trapped inside your head.<\/p>\n<p>You have, though, something to grab on to. An arrival and a departure, a beginning and an end. You do what people do best in the face of confusion and unreality: you tell yourself a story.<\/p>\n<p>This, of course, is my story. I have literally and figuratively turned it into one. It has a climax that fits almost too neatly into the middle: the exploding of bombs above my head, coinciding with the most exciting parts of my personal experiences.   <\/p>\n<p>But lately I have become weary of stories. They are being told, on both sides of this conflict, far too often. Words like &#8220;victim&#8221; and &#8220;aggressor&#8221; reduce combatting armies composed of individuals with complex motives to the black-and-white heroes and villains of fairytales. The beginning of the story is accordingly adjusted&#8211; the murder of three Israelis or the ground operation in the West Bank. Really, it goes further than that, each side beginning a larger narrative with its own origins here. And each side insisting that the story end with the satisfaction of its own demands.<\/p>\n<p>We tell ourselves stories in order to live, said Joan Didion. And they do allow us to live\u2026 inside our heads. But maybe the only way to live in a world of shared space and competing points of views is to abandon the narrative. To forget beginnings and endings and see only the moment in time in which people (not characters) are suffering, a moment that must be responded to in a way that probably won\u2019t fit anyone\u2019s narrative neatly. <\/p>\n<p>As for me, I cannot make an experience that has some of my friends afraid to leave their bedrooms and over 200 humans dead into the climax of my story. And on a larger level, I cannot turn all of the events of my life into a narrative, or I really will exist in a world outside of reality. <\/p>\n<p>I have been telling stories as long as I can remember, and I\u2019ve missed everything I\u2019ve edited out. <\/p>\n",
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            "title": "\u2018Key skills I\u2019ve developed as a career criminal\u2019",
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            "content": "<p>There\u2019s a constant flow of those clich\u00e9, common sense Linkedin style articles floating all over the internet with titles like, \u2018skills you should put on your CV\u2019 or \u2018skills you develop from University\u2019. &#8216;Does a degree really help?&#8217;. &#8216;how can I use my past job experiences?&#8217;, \u2018what recruiters look for\u2019&#8230;<\/p>\n<p>I could go on but you know what I am talking about, it\u2019s almost impossible for us to escape these rather pass\u00e9 pieces. I\u2019m so sick of all of these articles so obviously I am going to join in because if you can\u2019t beat em, join em.\u00a0<\/p>\n<p>\u00a0<\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align:center;\"><strong>\u2018How being a criminal has given me key skills\u2019<\/strong><\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align:center;\"><strong>\u00a0<\/strong>Past Experience \u2013 Career Criminal<\/p>\n<p>\u00a0<\/p>\n<p><strong><em>Goal setting<br \/> <\/em><\/strong><em>Employers want motivation and commitment. Are you ambitious and driven or the type to give up easily?<\/em><\/p>\n<p>I am definitely ambitious and driven; it\u2019s not easy being a career criminal, I set myself specific aims and goals to keep myself organised. I definitely don&#8217;t give up easily, when for example I was in prison, it certainly didn&#8217;t make me consider giving up my career. Instead I thought carefully about where I had gone wrong and how I could address that going forwards. I also\u00a0regularly conduct personal KPI\u2019s which I find helps me to identify problems and weaknesses as well as seeing what really works.<\/p>\n<p>\u00a0<\/p>\n<p><strong><em>Leadership<br \/> <\/em><\/strong><em>If you&#8217;re working with junior colleagues it&#8217;s important you take a role in fostering their career development. Can you lead teams and what personal skills help you to do so? What&#8217;s your management style?<\/em><\/p>\n<p>I remember once when I planned a heist. We had quite a tight budget and hired some less expensive and consequently less experienced freelancers for certain less essential roles in the mission. I took the leadership role where I reminded everyone that should they be caught that snitches get stitches. Happily our project went off without a hitch, the freelancers were able to develop in their own budding career criminal careers, everyone got paid and nobody got a stitch. 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            "title": "Romeo, Juliet and the Tragedy of Ben Holmes",
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            "content": "<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>It was on a silent car ride to a hike up the Boulder with my mother when I first questioned the definition of the word <em>n\u00e9e<\/em>. I had just woken up from a rather disturbing nap in the front seat\u2014mouth hanging open, neck painfully craned, perspiring bum glued to the leather seat\u2014when the word popped in my head. I couldn\u2019t remember where I had first seen it, only that I didn\u2019t know what it meant. I yawned, peeled myself off of the seat and asked Mom.<\/p>\n<p>She didn\u2019t know. She\u2019d never heard it before.<\/p>\n<p>So I did what any other resourceful teenager would: I asked Siri.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><strong>n\u00e9e<\/strong> [ney]<\/p>\n<p><strong><em>adjective<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n<p>born (placed after the name\u00a0of a married woman to introduce her maiden name): <em>Madame de Sta\u00ebl, nee Necker.<\/em><\/p>\n<p><em>\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n<p><em>Oh. <\/em>I wonder where that came from.<\/p>\n<p>I sat in silence, watching the golden landscape roll by, wondering if I would ever be able to use that term in reference to myself.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><em>Macy ???? , <\/em><em>n\u00e9e<\/em> <em>Ricketts.<\/em><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>Even with the question marks in place, it sounded classy.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><strong>The Safety Net<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>When I was in kindergarten, my best friend was a boy by the name of James\u00a0Simmons. My kindergarten self had rationalized that, if I never found a boy who wanted to\u00a0marry me, I could always come back to Livingston and marry James. He would make a fine husband\u2014he could spell his name, kick a soccer ball and was great with Lincoln logs. I was sure he wouldn\u2019t mind if I married him.<\/p>\n<p><em>Macy Simmons, <\/em><em>n\u00e9e Ricketts.<\/em><\/p>\n<p><em>\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n<p><strong>The Tragedy of Ben Holmes<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>In sixth grade, Halley, who sat in the desk next to me in pre-algebra, asked me who I had a crush on. Having a crush, in those days, was the kosher thing to do. I was embarrassed to realize I hadn\u2019t selected a worthy gentleman from the rather shallow pool of twelve-year-old suitors. I carefully scanned the classroom as all of the students started on their homework problems. My eyes came to rest on a boy three rows behind me named Ben Holmes, who was blissfully unaware of my inquiring gaze. Ben was five foot two, had brown eyes and brown hair, and carried with him at all times a rather vacant expression. He was perfect.<\/p>\n<p>Thus began a three-year infatuation with Ben Holmes from Pre-Algebra. Any time the topic of crushes came about at the school lunch table, I had poor Ben\u2019s name on auto reply.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><em>Who do you like?<\/em><\/p>\n<p>Oh, me? Ben Holmes. Shhh. Don\u2019t tell anybody. It\u2019s a secret.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>By December, the whole of sixth grade knew of my romantic feelings for Ben Holmes. Except Ben, of course.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>(<em>Note: There was a brief stint in the spring of sixth grade when a boy named Chris Johnson, who sat in front of me in science, fell in love with me the day I demonstrated my talent of being able to burp on command. A few days later, he asked me out and presented me with a fine piece of jewelry. I initially said no, but kept the necklace because I had accidentally broken it while attempting to put it on. One month later, I changed my mind. Chris Johnson and I dated for exactly six hours, but broke up after school upon deciding our dads would not approve of our relationship and it would be best if we both saw other people.)<\/em><\/p>\n<p><em>\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n<p>Ben Holmes, however, was a part of my daily life throughout middle school. In my imagination, he was my first love, my Adonis, my almost-boyfriend. In reality, the only time he ever spoke to me was when he would hiss <em>please move your head I can\u2019t see the board <\/em>under his breath<em>. <\/em>I loved it when he whispered sweet nothings in my ear.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><em>Macy Holmes, <\/em><em>n\u00e9e Ricketts.<\/em><\/p>\n<p><em>\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n<p>My three blissful years of faux romance with Ben Holmes from Pre-Algebra came to an abrupt and tragic end when he left me for another woman while we were playing badminton in eighth-grade gym class. I was shocked that he wanted to be on <em>her <\/em>team instead of <em>mine<\/em>. I was obviously the better badminton athlete. I saw the Other Woman smirking at me from across the net. I quickly demanded for Bobby Morgan\u00a0to be on my team. We won easily. My victory was tasteless as I saw Ben shrug, take the Other Woman\u2019s hand and walk off the court nonchalantly.<\/p>\n<p>I cried a few tears of nostalgia into my pillow that night. The next day I figured I had better find a new <em>n\u00e9e<\/em>.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><strong>Finding a New <\/strong><strong><em>N\u00e9e<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n<p><strong>\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>There are benefits to being fabulously single. I am in what some consider the prime of their lives (I, however, am saving the prime of my life for when I am very very very old), and I can go on dates with whatever flurry of Joes, Johns or Jameses come my way. So far, none have proved themselves worthy of <em>n\u00e9e. <\/em><\/p>\n<p>One day, during a field trip to the National Institutes of Health laboratories my freshman year (13<sup>th<\/sup> grade, mind you, not ninth), a fresh, bright Ph.D. from Alabama informed me of the importance of having a five- year plan. I was alarmed upon hearing this. <em>I don\u2019t even know what I\u2019m going to eat for dinner tonight, and you\u2019re expecting me to have a five-year plan? <\/em><\/p>\n<p><em>\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n<p>After pondering this information for some days, I concocted this piece of art:<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>Macy\u2019s Five(ish) Year Plan<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>Summer 2014: Go to Glacier National Park. Do some research. Measure some plants and slide down some snowfields. Sit on the edge of Lake MacDonald with a lemonade, a book and a pedicure. Meet a grizzly bear researcher named Edward and embark on a three-week summer romance (purely intellectual, of course)<em>.<\/em> If no Edward, pass go and collect $200.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>School Year 2014-2015: Communications department heads will love my blog and demand I expand upon my experiences by drafting a book of essays. In the meantime, I will do my homework and play guitar and flag football and meet more Edwards.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>Summer 2015: Get an internship at MIT. If no MIT, go home and work at the French restaurant where the dining room tortuously smells of melted butter. Submit my book to publishers. More Edwards. Pass go and collect $200.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>School Year 2015-2016: More of the same. Collect $$$ and book advances. Begin Rhodes and Goldwater scholarship applications.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>Summer 2016: Research in a foreign country. Write book. Meet famous people. Meet Juans (Spanish) Pierres (French) and Torin Wallace (ethnicity unsure, but swoon-worthy nonetheless).<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>School Year 2016-2017: Draft second book. Book will be on my experiences abroad the prior summer. General public will rave about the sneak peeks I post online. Graduate. Be a Rhodes scholar.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>Summer 2017: Grad school at Oxford. Meet Harrisons and Georges galore. Remain fabulously single. Publish second book to raving reviews.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>The entirety of my five-year plan is optional and transient. I feel it is important to use it as a guideline, but to not rely on certain petty details such as Rhodes or Juan. However, the plan <em>does <\/em>require me to remain fabulously single for quite some time, lest an unplanned <em>n\u00e9e <\/em>ruin my plans to travel, or to meet Torin Wallace.<\/p>\n<p>In the meantime, I am perfectly happy with being Macy QuestionMark <em>n\u00e9e <\/em>Ricketts, a.k.a. Macy Ricketts, a.k.a. me.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>&#8211;mkr<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n",
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            "title": "Sex with fruit flies\u2026",
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            "content": "<p>It\u2019s the strangest thing.<\/p>\n<p>I left for work today thinking to myself that I really needed to actually do something about the fruit-fly situation in our kitchen. That given my otherwise laissez-faire attitude regarding fruit-flies \u2013 the<em> \u201cfruit-fly situation\u201d<\/em> was on the verge of getting out-of-control.<\/p>\n<p>But I come home tonight \u2013 eight hours later \u2013 and there\u2019s nary a fruit fly in our kitchen. I can\u2019t find a one.<\/p>\n<p>Where did they go? (There are never less fruit flies, there are always more.)<\/p>\n<p>My bananas and tomatoes and limes are still sitting on the kitchen table. There\u2019s nothing sniffing around the outside of the compost pail. Very odd.<\/p>\n<p>~~~~~<\/p>\n<p>To live in Halifax in the summer is to live with fruitflies.<\/p>\n<p>Living in Toronto I had thought myself well versed in the ways of the fruit fly. I thought I knew a thing-or-two about them. Ha! I had no idea.<\/p>\n<p>Now I know about fruitfly\u00a0traps, and various homemade versions versus Canadian Tire models\u2013 and I have stood in Bed Bath and Beyond-type places and looked at fruitfly\u00a0nets \u2013 marvelling at the little anal-type half moon domes that cover your fruit; all-the-while designed to decorously accessorize any modern suburban kitchen table.<\/p>\n<p>There are enough fruitflies\u00a0in Halifax to drive a certain type of OCD homeowner, and apartment dweller mad. This past week a colleague at work flew into a rage as she told us of how she had discovered four\u00a0fruitflies\u00a0in her kitchen that very morning! Everyone listening in nodded affirmatively and\u00a0agreed with her when she remarked that fruitflies can totally ruin your summer.\u00a0Everyone concurred that the best strategy is vigilance. And that one must sacrifice flavor (by putting their fruit in the fridge) in order to maintain sanity.<\/p>\n<p>I know condo-people back in Leslieville, in Toronto, who almost faint at the sight of a fruit fly. The fly\u2019s very existence totally destroying their germ-free hyper-minimalist aesthetic.<\/p>\n<p>And my girlfriend and I have to constantly remind ourselves that before friends come over for dinner, we need to take the fruitflies down a notch or two if we still want to be considered civilized.<\/p>\n<p>It is safe to say\u00a0\u2013 that if we didn\u2019t otherwise have Israel and the Ukraine to remind us \u2013 we would think we were at war with fruitflies.<\/p>\n<p>~~~~~<\/p>\n<p>Like the Bonobo monkey, fruitflies pretty much exist on eating ripe fruit and having sex. In their world, monogamy is for squares, everybody always wants it, and if your penis isn\u2019t half the size of your body, and covered in felt, the ladies ain\u2019t interested. (Yes, it&#8217;s true: the male fruit fly penis is half the size of his body, and it is covered entirely in soft felt.)<\/p>\n<p>The problem is\u00a0that there are no condoms, and the gestation period is like 3 hrs.<\/p>\n<p>Now, try not to depress yourself comparing your life to a fruitfly.<\/p>\n<p>Sure, you don\u2019t get to sit around all day eating fruit and having sex, but that\u2019s fine.<\/p>\n<p>We were all kids once, we\u2019ve already been there, done that.<\/p>\n<p>Life needs to be a little more complex than that.<\/p>\n<p>But, I do think there is something to be said for the metaphor of the fruitfly. And flying around all day long eating fruit and having sex.<\/p>\n<p>And that we are at war with them.<\/p>\n",
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            "title": "Gaza through the eyes of someone far from home",
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            "content": "<p><strong>Guest contribution by Deena Kishawi<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>As the days of summer pass, I have tried hard to ignore the news. Not because I don\u2019t want to know the\u00a0goings-on in the world but because I know that if I see or hear something that strikes a nerve, my heart will shatter just as forcefully.<\/p>\n<p>Since Israel&#8217;s\u00a0aggressive operation on the people of the Gaza Strip began on July 8, I\u2019ve shielded my eyes from the images of bleeding children, emotional mothers, and demolished\u00a0houses. I\u2019m afraid that I might see something I recognize from my visits to Gaza or someone I met &#8212; perhaps a relative or a friend. I\u2019m afraid that my memories of Gaza will be tarnished with destruction and not the gleaming sun-lit beauty I remember from my time there exactly one year ago.<\/p>\n<p>Today, I look back at my\u00a0journeys to Gaza and desperately wish that I had stayed so that I could be there to help or provide some kind of\u00a0support to the victims of\u00a0the invasion &#8212; all 1.8 million of them. But not everyone gets to stay.<\/p>\n<p>It is hard to stomach the news, but it is hard to stay away from it as well.\u00a0When I finally gave in and searched for news on the latest in Gaza, I came across a photograph taken by journalist Ayman Mohyeldin that shows a the raw emotion and heartbreak of a mother after learning that her son had been killed with his cousins on the beach. The Israeli Navy fired two shells one after the other at the boys who had earlier been\u00a0chasing each other on the wet sand. Four died.<\/p>\n<p>The mother&#8217;s strained eyes are a window to her heart. But even then, I couldn&#8217;t even fathom the pain she must have felt. Her son, one of the four young cousins of the Bakr family, \u00a0aged 9-11, killed.<\/p>\n<p>I scrolled past the image, not sure if I could take it any longer. The next photograph was similarly jarring, showing the aftermath of an Israeli air strike in the Sheikh Ridwan neighborhood of Gaza City. The place stands out vividly to me. It is always mentioned when I recount my many stories from Gaza. It is always imaged when I trace back my steps through the territory&#8217;s smoggy roads. It&#8217;s an up-and-coming neighborhood, one in which I would have liked to live, maybe. To see the scattered clothes amid the rubble and the metal rods of a home\u00a0that once used to stand upright shook me inside.<\/p>\n<p><em>Imagine what they were doing moments before their entire house was demolished. What if they were going about daily household chores and had just seconds to leave their lives behind to protect themselves?<\/em><\/p>\n<p>Last year while I was in Gaza, my family members told me that in moments like these, where attacks are imminent, they attend to their daily household activities fully dressed. Those who wear the hijab keep it on. Shoes are worn inside the house. In the winter, jackets are zippered up. If they are in danger and have to flee, they would be prepared to leave right away. The flight of the Palestinian. My heart is heavy just thinking about how they live in constant fear of what might happen next. They stopped caring about what to eat for <i>iftar<\/i>, the breaking of the Ramadan fast, and turned their attention to the doors, the windows, and the walls. Doors make for good escape routes. Stay clear of shattering windows. Walls can collapse at any moment.<\/p>\n<p>These images and the many more headlines and photographs that followed them constantly replay in my head. I live in a major city, and when the occasional firework cracks the still night air, I jump almost like\u00a0the way I jumped in Gaza during an air strike. I live on a main street near a hospital and the\u00a0wailing sirens remind me of the chaotic rush to Al-Shifa Hospital after Israel is\u00a0content with the number of missiles it fired at Gaza overnight. These noises make us feel uncomfortable; they can distract us from our daily lives and sometimes serve as an annoyance. But to others, these noises define their day to day life, except that it&#8217;s infinitely more visceral than a mere pop in the sky or a flash of red and blue. For the people of Gaza, resilience is the most effective\u00a0coping mechanism. They have made living life in these strangulating\u00a0circumstances seem like an easy feat when it is anything but.<\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align:right;\"><b>Deena Kishawi<\/b><\/p>\n<p><em>Deena Kishawi is an undergraduate student at DePaul University who aspires to practice medicine\u00a0in the Gaza Strip.<\/em><\/p>\n",
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            "content": "<p>So..<em>.yeah. \u00a0<\/em>Right now there&#8217;s a lot of talk about a tumblr called WomenAgainstFeminism. \u00a0It&#8217;s just pictures of some women holding up handwritten signs entitled &#8220;<em>I don&#8217;t need feminism because..<\/em>.&#8221; \u00a0Some of the reasons they give for not needing feminism\u00a0almost seem like a parody (&#8220;How the fuck am I suppose to open jars and lift heavy things without my husband?&#8221;) and some (&#8220;I don&#8217;t need to grow out my body hair to prove I&#8217;m equal to men&#8221;) just make me wonder where in the world they got their definition of feminism.<\/p>\n<p>At first I considered starting my own &#8220;I Don&#8217;t Need _____ Because&#8221; tumblr with people holding equally baffling signs. \u00a0Signs like:<\/p>\n<blockquote><p>I don&#8217;t need books because YOU KNOW WHO WROTE BOOKS? \u00a0HITLER. \u00a0HITLER WROTE A BOOK. \u00a0NO THANK YOU, NAZIS.<\/p>\n<p>I don&#8217;t need money\u00a0BECAUSE I HAVE A CHECKBOOK, ASSHOLE.<\/p>\n<p>I don&#8217;t need air\u00a0because LOTS OF IT IS FARTS. \u00a0<strong>I&#8217;M<\/strong> NOT BREATHING FARTS. \u00a0<strong><em>YOU<\/em><\/strong> BREATHE FARTS.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n<p>But then I remembered that I&#8217;m too lazy to make a tumblr and that\u00a0this whole thing was a bit ridiculous. Here&#8217;s the thing: \u00a0Do you think men and women should have equal rights politically, socially and economically? \u00a0Then you&#8217;re probably a feminist. \u00a0There are a million tiny aspects of this to break off into and <em>I get it.<\/em>\u00a0 It&#8217;s complicated. \u00a0There&#8217;s not just <em>one<\/em>\u00a0type of feminist, just as\u00a0there&#8217;s not just one type of Christian or Muslim, or man or woman. \u00a0Hell, there&#8217;s not even just one type of\u00a0shark. \u00a0Some are\u00a0non-threatening\u00a0and friendly. \u00a0Some get sucked up into tornadoes and viciously\u00a0chew off people&#8217;s faces\u00a0until that guy from 90210 stops the weather with bombs. \u00a0(<em>Spoiler alert.<\/em>) \u00a0 \u00a0The point is that sharks, <em>much like feminists,<\/em> are awesome, and beneficial, and the world would be a worse place without them. \u00a0Plus, they&#8217;re <em>incredibly<\/em> entertaining and even if you sometimes think they&#8217;re dicks for eating cute seals you still yell &#8220;HOLYSHITLOOKATTHAT!&#8221; when Shark Week comes on. \u00a0I think this is a bad analogy. \u00a0Lemme try again.<\/p>\n<p>Feminists are like bees. \u00a0They are adorable and fuzzy but people run away from them because they don&#8217;t understand that they just want to make things good. \u00a0<em>We&#8217;d be fucked without bees.<\/em> \u00a0Seriously. \u00a0And yes, <em>some<\/em> bees are assholes and maybe one killed your great-uncle and there are some that you give the side-eye to when they start acting crazy\u00a0but eventually\u00a0you realize that you have to take the good bees with the bad bees\u00a0and maybe just be picky about what honey you choose to eat. \u00a0Eat the raw honey, by the way. \u00a0It&#8217;s way healthier. \u00a0That last part isn&#8217;t part of the analogy. \u00a0It&#8217;s just good advice from my\u00a0great-grandfather (beekeeper). \u00a0Also, like bees, feminists\u00a0secrete a non-edible wax and are easily distracted by smoke.<\/p>\n<p>I&#8217;ve lost my point.<\/p>\n<p>Wait, no. \u00a0I&#8217;ve got it again.<\/p>\n<p>Feminism is inherently good. \u00a0It&#8217;s not even close to perfect and still needs <em>lots<\/em> of work\u00a0and sometimes it gets all fucked up and backward and awful but that doesn&#8217;t mean it&#8217;s not still worth fighting for. \u00a0Now go back and replace &#8220;Feminism&#8221; with &#8220;The human race&#8221;. \u00a0It works, right?. \u00a0That&#8217;s because feminists are made of human. \u00a0Men <em>and<\/em> women. \u00a0In fact, one of my favorite feminists is Sir Patrick Stewart.<\/p>\n<div id=\"attachment_22531\" style=\"width: 305px\" class=\"wp-caption aligncenter\"><a href=\"https:\/\/thebloggesswp.files.wordpress.com\/2014\/07\/pstewart.jpg\"><img class=\"size-medium wp-image-22531\" src=\"https:\/\/thebloggesswp.files.wordpress.com\/2014\/07\/pstewart.jpg?w=295&#038;h=300\" alt=\"Patrick Stewart, feminist. His mother made 3 pounds 10 shillings for working a forty hour week in a weaving shed. She was also an abuse victim and he\u2019s an anti-domestic violence advocate. \" width=\"295\" height=\"300\" \/><\/a><p class=\"wp-caption-text\">Patrick Stewart, feminist. His mother made 3 pounds 10 shillings for working a forty hour week in a weaving shed. She was also an abuse victim and he\u2019s an anti-domestic violence advocate. \u00a0More at the bottom.<\/p><\/div>\n<p>I&#8217;m not saying you can&#8217;t choose to not be a feminist <em>but know what you&#8217;re choosing.<\/em> \u00a0Don&#8217;t make a decision about a group based on the most radical beliefs of a group. \u00a0Don&#8217;t\u00a0get defensive if you get deeper and are exposed to\u00a0difficult ideas\u00a0about intersectionality and\u00a0race and gender and colonialism and patriarchy and male liberation. \u00a0Just listen. \u00a0Some of it will make sense. \u00a0Some of it won&#8217;t. \u00a0Some of it will later when you&#8217;re a different person. \u00a0Some of it you&#8217;ll change your mind about throughout your life and the world will change too. \u00a0Some of it is bullshit. \u00a0Some of it is truth. \u00a0All of it is worth listening to.<\/p>\n<p>And now you get to decide. \u00a0Are you a feminist? \u00a0Yes? \u00a0No? \u00a0Well, don&#8217;t worry because tomorrow you get to choose again. \u00a0And that keeps happening every day for the rest of your life.<\/p>\n<p>As for me, I am a feminist (among so, so many other things). \u00a0I believe in equality and I think we still have work to do. \u00a0I&#8217;m thankful to\u00a0the men and women who worked\u00a0to give me the freedom\u00a0and rights I have today and I\u00a0am proud to be a part of a movement that I hope will make the world better and safer for my daughter (and for the men and women she&#8217;ll share that world with). \u00a0I&#8217;m happy we&#8217;ve come so far\u00a0and I&#8217;m glad that we&#8217;re becoming more aware of feminist issues that don&#8217;t just focus on straight, white women, even though confronting those issues is sometimes painful. And I&#8217;m happy that the womenagainstfeminism tumblr exists. \u00a0Because\u00a0even though I disagree with most of them I&#8217;m glad that those women have a platform on which to speak, and also because if we know what the arguments or misperceptions are\u00a0against feminism then we can better address them. \u00a0Or agree with them. \u00a0Or ignore them. \u00a0Or discuss them with our sons and daughters so they can make informed decisions for themselves. \u00a0It&#8217;s up to you.<\/p>\n<p>We&#8217;re all equally deserving to express\u00a0our opinion. \u00a0After all, that&#8217;s what feminism is all about.*<\/p>\n<p>*Or maybe not. \u00a0I got kinda confused after the shark analogy went sideways.<\/p>\n<span class='embed-youtube' style='text-align:center; display: block;'><\/iframe><\/span>\n",
            "excerpt": "<p>So&#8230;yeah. \u00a0Right now there&#8217;s a lot of talk about a tumblr called WomenAgainstFeminism. \u00a0It&#8217;s just pictures of some women holding up handwritten signs entitled &#8220;I don&#8217;t need feminism because&#8230;&#8221; \u00a0Some of the reasons they give for not needing feminism\u00a0almost seem &hellip; <a href=\"http:\/\/thebloggess.com\/2014\/07\/women-who-are-ambivalent-about-women-against-women-against-feminism\/\">Continue reading <span class=\"meta-nav\">&rarr;<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n",
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            "date": "2014-07-17T10:09:47-04:00",
            "modified": "2014-07-21T15:34:06-04:00",
            "title": "Reunited",
            "URL": "http:\/\/ajgoode.com\/2014\/07\/17\/reunited\/",
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            "content": "<p><a href=\"https:\/\/ajgoode.files.wordpress.com\/2014\/07\/0721141525.jpg\"><img class=\"alignnone size-medium wp-image-1384\" src=\"https:\/\/ajgoode.files.wordpress.com\/2014\/07\/0721141525.jpg?w=196&#038;h=300\" alt=\"0721141525\" width=\"196\" height=\"300\" \/><\/a><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>I am freaking out.<\/p>\n<p>It snuck up on me, I swear.\u00a0 I knew it was coming; it shouldn\u2019t be a surprise.\u00a0 I\u2019ve had plenty of time to prepare, to wrap my mind around it, psych myself up for it.<\/p>\n<p>So how the hell am I so unprepared?<\/p>\n<p>My class reunion is less than two weeks away.\u00a0 My <em>thirtieth<\/em> class reunion.\u00a0 A reunion that was supposed to be really <em>really<\/em> special for me, because I was going to show up all slim and successful and in-your-face about how great my life is going.\u00a0 Instead, I\u2019m fat, unemployed, newly divorced, and scrounging returnable pop bottles for the gas money to make it to Kalamazoo for the big event.<\/p>\n<p>Well, shit.<\/p>\n<p>Some of you may be doing some quick math in your heads.\u00a0 Yes, I am 48 years old.\u00a0 I\u2019ve been coy and evasive about my age up until now in my blog, but what the hell.\u00a0 I am 48.\u00a0 Things are sagging, creaking, and sprouting hair in places and ways I never would have believed if it weren\u2019t happening to me.<\/p>\n<p>I want to wear something that makes me look spectacular, but I just don\u2019t think there is enough Spandex in the world to squeeze all of the saggy, creaky, hairy stuff into the kind of outfit I envisioned myself wearing for this event.\u00a0 No, there is definitely no Little Black Dress on the agenda.\u00a0 Oh, it\u2019s black and it\u2019s a dress, but it\u2019s not so little.\u00a0 I\u2019m wearing it because it makes my boobs look great, provided I can secure the proper permits and heavy equipment necessary to lift them into the special \u201ccleavage bra\u201d that I reserve for just such an emergency.<\/p>\n<p>I\u2019m hoping that some spectacular cleavage will blind everyone to the enormity of my ass.<\/p>\n<p>In truth, I have to worry about <em>three<\/em> perfect outfits, because I am attending three events that weekend.\u00a0 Maybe four.\u00a0 That\u2019s right; we are making up for thirty years of apathy in one big weekend.\u00a0\u00a0 It really shouldn\u2019t come as a surprise that we haven\u2019t stayed in touch over the years, considering that our unofficial class slogan was \u201cOut the door in \u201984.\u201d\u00a0 In reality, it was \u201cDream and explore in \u201984,\u201d but I don\u2019t think anyone really took that seriously.<\/p>\n<p>It bothers me that I don\u2019t know who my class president was.\u00a0 I think it\u2019s the very tall man whose locker was next to mine for six years, but who never learned that my name wasn&#8217;t \u201cHeidi.\u201d\u00a0 Six years of side-by-side lockers, often standing or sitting next to each other because no names where going to come between \u201cH-Y\u201d and \u201cI-A,\u201d and he never figured out that my parents didn\u2019t name me \u201cHeidi Hyde.\u201d\u00a0 Seriously, Dude.<\/p>\n<p>I had a crush on another boy, from ninth grade on.\u00a0\u00a0 At our graduation ceremony, I finally worked up the courage to approach him and tell him about it.\u00a0 Now, keep in mind that we were backstage at Miller Auditorium, wearing matching caps and gowns.\u00a0 I said, \u201cI just want to tell you that I have had a crush on you since ninth grade.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>He said, \u201cReally, what school do you go to?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>I think I may have dodged a bullet.\u00a0 However, one of my reunion goals is to get a kiss on the cheek from him.\u00a0 Or at least a hug.\u00a0 Fine, a handshake will do.\u00a0 Okay, I\u2019ll be ecstatic if he remembers my name.<\/p>\n<p>I may cry if he thinks it\u2019s Heidi, too.<\/p>\n<p>I wasn\u2019t exactly invisible in school, but pretty close.\u00a0 I didn\u2019t play sports, didn\u2019t date, didn\u2019t get nominated for homecoming court.\u00a0 \u00a0I didn\u2019t even go to homecoming games other than my Sophomore year, when the football team went undefeated and it was easy to get swept up in the excitement.\u00a0 Even though I was a theater nerd, I didn\u2019t do school plays because they were always Musicals and my last attempt at singing and dancing at the same time has been ranked among Michigan\u2019s Top Ten Worst Natural Disasters.<\/p>\n<p>A few days ago, I whined to a friend about feeling like a failure as I face the upcoming reunion.\u00a0 She laughed at me.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cDude,\u201d she said; \u201cyou wrote a <em>book<\/em>.\u00a0 You survived a tree falling on your head.\u00a0 Lighten up, Dude.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Did I mention that this friend holds a PhD?\u00a0 Back in school, she used to call everyone <em>Dude<\/em>, and high-fived my face on more than one occasion when we\u2019d had too much to drink and she forgot how short I am.<\/p>\n<p>God, I miss her.<\/p>\n<p>But she\u2019s right.\u00a0 I\u2019m <em>alive<\/em> to go to my reunion.\u00a0 My best, dearest friends from \u2018way back then are alive.\u00a0 And <em>Dude<\/em>, ain\u2019t none of us where we thought we\u2019d be by now.\u00a0\u00a0 I\u2019m not the only one to gain weight or lose a job or get a divorce.\u00a0 I\u2019m not the only one struggling with insecurities.<\/p>\n<p>I may be the only one packing myself into the super-bra.<\/p>\n<p>Christy and Lori beat breast cancer.\u00a0 Dee didn\u2019t.\u00a0 Tosha and Holly married the perfect men and lived happily ever after.\u00a0 Inger and I didn\u2019t.\u00a0 Anita became a nurse and somehow became even more beautiful at 48 than she was at 18.\u00a0 <em>Most<\/em> of us didn\u2019t manage that.<\/p>\n<p>But the point is that we\u2019re all human.\u00a0\u00a0 We\u2019ve all failed at some things, and we\u2019ve all succeeded at others, and somehow we\u2019ve all muddled through and grown to become exactly who we are supposed to be at this point in our lives.\u00a0 We grew up, despite our best efforts to the contrary.<\/p>\n<p>I\u2019m nervous about the reunion.\u00a0 If there was a diet plan that could make me drop 80-plus pounds by August 1, I\u2019d be all over it.\u00a0 But I refuse to be ashamed of the way I look.\u00a0 I am going to go, and I am going to have a great time, and I am not going to hide every time a camera comes out.\u00a0 After a few drinks, I may even start bitch-slapping anyone who calls me Heidi.<\/p>\n<p>Afterward, I may end up calling 9-1-1 if I can\u2019t get the bra off by myself.\u00a0 But I\u2019ll make sure there are no small children or breakable object anywhere in the vicinity so there are no damages when the boobs are finally released back into the wild at the end of the night.<\/p>\n",
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